Horoscopes

Back in my day, there were these silly little things called "star signs."  You see, there is a theory in which everyone is born under a constellation which will determine their lives, you could read about this in a "horoscope,".... and everyone bought into it.

Now back in my day, when I was young and naive (which is pretty much my entire life, but in this case it was when I was 9),  I truly thought said stars controlled my life, however I wasn't interested enough to actually open the newspaper every morning and follow my horoscope.

After a while (longer than I'm proud to admit) I figured out that this whole star sign thing was a hoax and horoscopes and overviews of people born under the sign were generic enough to fit anyone.

However I will most definitely use the zodiac later in life (my horoscope told me so) to better my pursuit in becoming an awesome old lady.  I know I am doomed to lose my mind in my old age, it's in my genes, but what better way to lose your mind than in greatness?

Allow me in illustrate: